myfascinatinglife.com

“What a day!”

“Phew, yeah…what a day!”

“I’m exhausted. Could you get the light, Barack?”

“Yes I can! I will not only get the light, I will shine the light for all Americans and show them the way through the darkness! It is a light that arises from the hopes and dreams of the old and the young, the black and white and yellow and red and brown, the gay and the straight, the rich and the poor! It is a light on whose rays the promise of hope…and opportunity…and achievement…all soar to a distant, brighter future! But it will take all of us, working together in a spirit of shared sacrifice and commitment, to make that light a beacon of progress. And I say to you tonight: This is our moment! This is our bedtime! This…”

“Oh for god’s sake never mind, I’ll do it myself…”

Thanks and a tip of the hat to Coolage.

Last week, Samuel Wurzelbacher (AKA “Joe the plumber”) was the star of the third and final 2008 Presidential debate.  Prior to the debate, Joe provoked Barack Obama to state before rolling cameras that his tax plans are intended not to “punish success” but to “spread the wealth around”.

I’m a lifelong resident of West Michigan, and the Detroit Lions are the only NFL game in town. The last NFL Championship they won was in 1957 - more than fifty years ago!  Since then, they have been mediocre at best.  This last Sunday, the Lions lost their sixth game of 2008 (six in a row).  In 2007 they lost seven of their last eight.  Do the math - that’s 1 and 13 for their last fourteen games.

Plain and simple… the Lions stink.

But then, after listening to Joe the Plumber’s exchange with Barack Obama, I began to realize that an Obama Presidency would be GOOD for the Detroit Lions.   For more than fifty years, they have been stinking up the NFL.  But hey, it’s not their fault; they have good intentions - every year, they think they have a shot at the Super Bowl.  In the last fifty years, the Lions have sucked, while the Packers, the 49ers, and the Steelers have had multiple Championships.   This year, the Titans, the Bills and the Steelers are red hot.  Sure, they scouted the right players, they paid them, they hired coaches who are compentent and paid them, they conditioned themselves and they practiced hard.  So why should they get all the wins?

I think Barack Obama is right… the NFL should “spread the wealth” with the Detroit Lions.  Sure, the Lions have an incompetent front office, they have a history of losing, and they don’t know how to tackle.  But should that stop them from being a success in the NFL?  NO.  Barack is right!

Why should the Steelers and the Titans be on top of the NFL standings?  Just because they actually outperformed other teams?  Just because they found the best players, paid them well, hired coaches who knew what they were doing and provided them with an environment where they would flourish doesn’t mean they should get to hog all the success for themselves.  Oh yeah, and in game situations when in all mattered, they produced.  Is that fair?  Of course not!  The Lions had good intentions, so that must be good for something. I mean, success is really just a matter of luck right?  And the government can make us all “successful”.

If the NFL was run the way Barack Obama wants to run the IRS, then every time the Steelers get a touchdown, the Lions should get one too.

Hey, it’s just “spreading the wealth”.

My sister Pat sent me this uplifting note today, and I would like to share it here:

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

Earlier this week, my son Jeff took his segment II driving exam. For those of you not familiar with Michigan motoring laws, segment II is the last hurdle for a new driver to overcome before becoming licensed to drive. Jeff was pretty tense about it but passed with flying colors. He will be a full-fledged legal driver on his birthday next month.

Then on Tuesday night, Julie called just as we were drifting off to sleep. Last month she was accepted for graduate study in Art History and Museum Studies at Case Western Reserve in Cleveland. On Tuesday she received a letter from her graduate department offering a full scholarship. Hot damn! Carol and I were so excited we couldn’t fall asleep.

Then yesterday, Jeff had another surprise for us. His third quarter grades were sent home yesterday, and Jeff had a 4.17 GPA for the quarter. He has a very tough schedule (his choice), he works very hard, and it is paying off.

If I sound like I’m bragging, you’re damn right. I couldn’t be prouder of my kids.  And yes, the brains come from the Carol side of the family tree.

I’m for hope. I’m for change. I hope for change. Can we hope for change?

YES, WE CAN.

Can we change for hope?

YES, WE CAN.

Let’s change our hope to change! Change is hopeful, and hoping for change is even hopefuller! I’m hoping we can? Can we?

YES, WE CAN.

Can we hope to change our changing from hopeful change to changeful hope? YES! Change brings hope for changing our hope, doesn’t it?

YES, WE CAN.

Let’s hope for changeful change and hopeful hope. Or is it hopeful change and changeful hope. I’m getting dizzy. But I hope that I can change the dizzy hopefulness to changeful dizziness.

YES, WE CAN, WE CAN HOPE FOR CHANGE OR SOMETHING.

Like most kids his age, my son Jeff is comfortable with the computer. On Christmas day, he was on the sofa messing around with his mom’s MacBook. Apple ships a nifty little application called Photo Booth with its computers, which works with the Apple built-in iSight camera to take pictures like the photo booth you find in the mall.

The cool twist is that it lets you manipulate the pictures in really startling ways. Jeff spent a bunch of time manipulating is normally handsome face with the Photo Booth software. Click on the photo above for a look at fruits of his work.

The cartoon above was on a Christmas card sent to me by the Mucha family. Mooch always takes the time to find a slightly bent Christmas greeting each year.

What’s another word for thesaurus?

Truth is stranger than fiction: 

Dennis Kucinich Spots A UFO

Keepin’ It Real: Tyra Banks Proves Her Boobs Are Natural

The Police Station Is Not The Best Place To Fire Up A Doob

Al Gore Gets Speeding Ticket In Gas Hog SUV

Man convicted of having sex with bicycle 

My favorite holiday is just around the corner - Thanksgiving Day.  Thanksgiving is laid back and easy at our house.  We have family and friends visit throughout the day, and everyone leaves with a hearty, well-presented meal.  

Many hosts would stress out at the thought of preparing meals for dozens of guests, but not me.  My secret to successful entertaining is a collection of recipes that my family has treasured for generations.  And today, I share them with my readers.  Please share these “Easy Entertaining” recipes with your loved ones and enjoy them as much as my family does.

Cured Sausage With Savory Cheese Sauce
(a.k.a. “Weenie Tetrazzini”)

• 1 package Kraft® Macaroni and Cheese

• 2 hot dogs

Instructions:

1. Prepare Kraft® Macaroni and Cheese according to package directions.

2. Cut hot dog into bite size chunks.

3. Combine with Mac and Cheese.  Gently toss.

Serves two

One of the cardinal rules my kitchen is that the food must not only taste good, it has to look good as well.  Here’s a colorful dish that is sure to impress!

Festive M&M® Salad

• One 1lb. package M&M® Plain Candies

• One 1lb. package M&M® Peanut Candies

Instructions:

1. Open both bags of candy

2. Combine in bowl; gently stir.

3. Serve at room temperature for maximum flavor.

If you have overnight guests, there’s no need to cut back on the showmanship for breakfast.  Here’s a great recipe that will make your guests feel right at home as they shuffle to the breakfast table.  Plus, the dish is served in the same dish it’s prepared in.  What kind be simpler or more dramatic?

Omelet In A Cup

• One egg

• One slice American cheese

• One Styrofoam® coffee cup

Instructions:

1. Break egg into Styrofoam cup

2. Gently stir.

3. Cook in microwave for thirty seconds

4. Unwrap cheese (very important!)

5. Stir into cheese into semi-cooked egg.  Return to microwave for fifteen seconds.

Serve!  For a really pleasing presentation, serve with a hot cup of instant coffee.

This just in from the Grand Rapids Press:

“Local Man To Reproduce, Sell Texaco Fire Hats.”

Bill Barkeley summitted Mount Kilamanjaro today, and you were probably sitting on your ass.  Not that you should feel bad about that, but you owe major respect to my friend Bill.

I met Bill Barkeley because his sister Susan is a childhood friend of my bride Carol.

Bill is a very likeable guy.  He is married to Mary Beth, he is a great father to John, Brian and Will , and he goes to the office everyday where he does a nice job for Steelcase Design Partnership. 

Earlier this year, Bill made a decision to climb Mount Kilamanjaro in Africa.  Mt K is 5,895 metres, or for you Americans, about 19,340 feet in altitude.  You can’t go that high without training, and most of us would start barfing at about 13,000 feet. 

Bill is in good shape, but he has a few things going against him:  he can hear poorly, and he can see poorly.  In fact, he is legally deaf and legally blind.  And the prognosis is poor:  he will almost certainly continue to suffer debilitating sight and hearing because Bill suffers from  Usher’s Syndrome, which is a pretty rare genetic condition manifested by hearing loss and sight loss.

Bill’s hearing has been poor for as long as I’ve known him.  But his sight has been steadily degrading for his whole life.  He can no longer drive, and his vision is degrading as well.  He has virtually no peripheral vision - imagine a small tunnel of vision that is getting smaller and narrower each day.  And remember, Bill’s hearing is poor and getting poorer each day.

Bill should be a little bit pissed about the life hand he has been dealt.  Instead, Bill says “I won the lotto“.

Say what? Blindness and hearing loss are something to celebrate? According to Bill, it’s the type of thing that can rock a man to his core and shatter his faith.

“He’s got a plan,” Barkeley said. “You just got to have faith that there’s a reason.”

Instead of pissing and moaning about his situation, Bill is challenging himself.  Imagine hand-over-fist mountain climing when you can’t see the peak.  Or hear your guide.

You are an inspiration my friend.   I wish you many, many more full life experiences with and without sight and sound.

Yesterday, the Reverend Jesse Jackson sharply criticized presidential hopeful and Illinois Sen. Barack Obama for “acting like he’s white”.  Read the full story here.

I hope there’s nothing wrong with that; I act white all the time.  Have you ever seen me on a dance floor?  I am unmistakably white.  Sorry Jesse.